Hey Macron… What the f**k are you up to?
Seriously. What the hell is this?
You invited him to France in the midst of a political and familial scandal?
For Bastille Day??
And you welcomed him at a military parade???
And took him to dinner in the Eiffel Tower???
Are you guys, like, friends now?
Like, we know that you know that this orange lump of a man we’ve been forced to call our President is potentially a legitimate insane person.
OH WAIT, I get it…this is all an act, right? You knew Trump would love some good old military fanfare and an unreasonably fancy dinner. You’re playing him a little, aren’t you? You’re doing this to keep him from nuking North Korea or rounding up all the Muslims and Latinos in camps, am I right? You’re getting in good with him now so when he lets Putin casually march his troops into the United States, you can be like, “Hey man, maybe sit the fuck down” and he’ll actually listen. Very smart, monsieur. You must be a high-quality person.
Look, we know you’re not perfect, but you’re also not Le Pen, and honestly, that’s huge right now. And frankly, if we’re ever going to rejoin the Paris Climate Accord, we’re gonna need President Pumpkin Head to think you guys are on the same side. But after your weird colonialist/racist statements, we’re a little concerned. Please, just give us a sign that this is all part of your grand plan to make sure you keep crazy on your good side. Even if it’s something really stupid. Like, really, really, incredibly, unfathomably stupid.
Phew. Thank god.
This is a work of satire (kind of)
